Emma Grace

To think it has been almost 8 months since I last posted. So much has changed since then. I am already 23 weeks pregnant. Only 5 weeks till I am in my third trimester. My feelings at this point are indescribable. I find myself constantly looking at anything and everything baby. I long for the moments when I feel her kick. They always make me giggle. Feeling her move inside of me is so surreal.......... first they were small and now I can sit and watch my whole tummy roll and bounce around......... there is nothing else like it.

Our Bradley Method Classes begin October 9th and continue through December 18th. I am determined to have a natural birth. Having done plenty of research I feel that it is best for the both of us that I pursue a drug free birth. I am not sure if I will be requesting my birth be iv free but I know for sure I want it to be pitocin and epidural free. The fact that I am having this baby in a Military hospital scares me. The day I deliver will most likely be the first time I meet the Dr. who will be delivering my baby. It's not what I wanted, but it is what it is. I am scared that my wishes will be hard to get across to them. For one I don't want epidurals even being offered to me. I know that the pain of birth will be blinding and I might not be myself. Therefore I think it best if I ask for the epidural, because if they offer it, I might be quick to accept without thinking about it clearly. Luckily the bradley method believes in the birth being coached by the father. I am confident that John will be a terrific coach. He is on board with me as far as believing that a natural birth is the best way to go. On the day of delivery I know he will be reminding me why I thought an epidural free birth was a good idea in the first place. Another thing that I want is for the cord to stop pulsing before they cut it. Research shows that it is better for the baby and it helps the placenta to detatch more easily.

My mom will be helping me with the nursery and we plan on starting it in October. I really want to do her room in cherry blossoms. I haven't found bedding yet, but with my mom's help, I know decorating the room should be a breeze! She has also taken over planning my baby shower. With the help of my mother in law and a few of my closest friends. I am so lucky that she is doing this for me. I can't imagine dealing with the stress of planning a baby shower for over 30 people! My mom is so amazing! I know she will be the best "Namaw" ever!

Emma Grace is due on January 8th 2011. We had a 3d/4d ultrasound a couple of weeks ago to confirm that it was a she, and everyone says she looks like daddy! It was amazing to see her features and knowing what she looks like has made me feel even closer to her. Calling her by her name really makes me feel like what I am going through is real. I have moments though, when I am like "oh wow, this is really happening, I'm going to be a mom.......... am I ready for this??? Well ready or not! Here she comes............

I love you Emma.

Vent..... ;)

This blog is seriously the best way for me to vent....here goes.

1. Why must I be soooo impatient?
Case in point: I want a BABY! I don't want to wait until may, I want to do it NOW! But then I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to wait. This is where it gets frustrating because I know I should wait and I know in the end I will. Sometimes I wish I could give up all attempts at being responsible and just go with what my heart is telling me to do! But, when there is a child involved this IS NOT an option. I have seriously been ready for this emotionally for such a long time. But, I know John and I have to do the right thing. I am going to graduate whether I like it or not and if God has other plans in store for me...they will happen. I dream about babies, I see PREGNANT people EVERYWHERE (One day I texted Mickey and told her that I think they are all following me!! Lol) I am frequently in tears because I don't want to wait anymore...........but I only have 3 more months to wait. We are excited and inexplicably ready to make an addition to our family.

2. School is tedious.
Is it hard....no not really. I just don't want to do the work anymore! My 5 year plan is wearing on me! I find myself in really bad moods just saying to myself "Why oh Why am I doing this crap?" Oh yeah it's because I need to if I want to make a good life for myself in the future.....

3. God is Great!
Natural Family Planning has changed mine and John's life. So many people said it wouldn't work and so many tears were shed in the days leading up to the wedding while arguing with family telling them it would all be okay. That I wouldn't get pregnant if I was preventing it and if I did it's because God had GREATER plans in store. I saw a sign the other day that said write your lifes plan in pencil and give God the eraser. It is so true. Let go and let God. John and I have been so diligent about going to church and it is like water now. I need it to survive. Communion is something I need to survive..........it is spiritual and personal in ways I never could have imagined. It makes me feel complete. I am happy to say that John and I have been pregnancy free since our wedding and NFP has worked. Not only have we been able to prevent pregnancy but we have been able to enrich our marriage. We have respect for each other and we have communication skills that exceed our expectations. Don't get me wrong....WE DEFINITLEY have our days but we work through them. We feel like we have been set free.

Peeves

I pray every morning that I work that God will give me patience with clients and my work partners. But sometimes it become unbelievably difficult. People get mad at you for doing things that are out of your hands, things that are an integral part of your JOB! Welcome to customer service....... As much as I want to dive into detail about customers that drive me crazy, I won't and probably shouldnt. However, it never ceases to amaze me how seriously juvenille some people are and how mad they get for the smallest things.

On another note.......I will never understand why people roll down their windows and cuss at someone when driving for something that wasn't even your fault. There was no yield sign buddy!

Valentine's Day

So my husband is so sweet! He got a picture of us developed from the TUX and TENNIS event and we are going to get it framed. When you get married all of the little things mean the most. At a time when we are broke and saving every penny to buy a fridge he does something small on Valentine's day and I appreciate it more than anything!

We went to the house today and stayed for about 2 hours showing my parents and in- laws! We sat there just planning where things would go and I just let my imagination run WiLd! These next 5 weeks can't pass fast enough.

I am so happy another week is coming up! My past week was an emotional roller coaster as I was three days late and sure I was pregnant. After 2 neg. pregnancy tests and finding out I wasn't pregnant I was crushed! But I am much better now that I am back on track and just focused on the tasks at hand! Monday is my first Spirit, Morale, and Traditions committee meeting! I am very nervous because I have never chaired any type of committe! I also start my field based work on tuesday with 1st graders! We are in the homestretch now folks! :) Only 2 more semesters! I can't wait!

Signing off for now! :)